Three things with Nina Oyama: ‘I have hurt my head and arse so many times’

Nina Oyama is responsible for a lot of funny television. Every week she appears on Channel 10’s Taskmaster, and has previously been part of ABC’s Utopia and Tonightly with Tom Ballard. She has writing credits for animated series Koala Man and Class of ’07 , and is the co-creator of SBS’s Latecomers.

Next month Oyama is swapping the screen for the stage at the Sydney comedy festival, alongside Jude Perl. But whatever the venue, the Sydneysider relies on one item to keep her comedy career running smoothly: her backpack, which is stuffed with everything she (or anyone around her) could need in a pinch. Here, Oyama tells us why she can’t function without that capacious bag, as well as the stories behind two other personal belongings.

What I’d save from my house in a fire

I’m the most unsentimental person. I store everything on the internet, which means when the robot apocalypse comes and all our data is deleted, I will have no tangible items to save. Except for one: my Loaded longboard.

‘It is one of my few possessions that has made me actively cooler and dumber at the same time’: Nina Oyama with her longboard

I freakin’ love this thing, man. During lockdown I went to Tempe Reserve and practised longboard dancing every day. I am not very good, and I usually fall off and nearly die at least once every few sessions. I have hurt my head and arse so many times but I always just get back on the damn thing and keep practising the trick. I feel like Evel Knievel, even though I am usually just doing low-skill-level balancing steps in a very boring suburban park.

This longboard cost $500 and it makes me feel truly alive. It is one of my few possessions that has made me actively cooler and dumber at the same time.

My most useful object

My backpack – I can’t live without it. There’s a tweet floating around somewhere that says something like “every comedian has an emotional support backpack” and this rings so true to me.

My bag is quite compact but somehow fits in everything. It’s got my laptop, every single type of phone and laptop charger, a small makeup kit, an umbrella, snacks and all sorts of medicine. That said, all the stuff is completely loose inside the main chamber, so it’s impossible to locate anything without tipping the entire contents on to the floor.

Ask me for a Hydralyte, Panadol, a Band-Aid – I have it all. Yes, it will take 10 minutes of extremely frustrating rummaging, but it will eventually appear. The bag is also nice and small and has lumbar support. When I die, I want to be buried with it like a pharaoh, so I can carry my stupid bag to the afterlife – just in case Cleopatra needs a tampon.

The item I most regret losing

I used to be obsessed with this book called Too Close to the Falls by Catherine Gildiner, which I stole from my mum when I was a kid. I used to get bullied for bringing it to primary school because it had a “Women’s Weekly recommended” sticker on it, and kids would call me “Neeny Peeny Women’s Weekly”. Not a great rhyme but still hurtful and ultimately character building.

The book is a memoir about this little girl with ADHD called Cathy whose dad works as a pharmacist in Niagara Falls. To quell her hyperactivity, Cathy gets up at 5am every day to deliver medicine to townspeople, alongside an ex-con delivery driver called Roy. On their travels, Cathy sees heaps of messed-up stuff which she doesn’t entirely understand, but it’s written from the perspective of a child, so there are a lot of details you sort of have to decipher when you read it back as an adult.

Anyway, I loved this book. I used to read heaps and swap books with friends, and I’m fairly sure I lent it to a mate who never gave it back. This is why nobody should read books. Or have friends!